Out of Sugar

ExpHAIRiment: Phase Two

Phase One: Make Baking Soda Cleanser. Check.

Phase Two: Make Vinegar Rinse.

I have been casually stalking No 'Poo articles and blog posts for about 6 years. Yes, really - 6 years. I even tried Terressentials Pure Earth Hair Wash for a while back in 2007 or 2008. I don't recall specifically why, but I determined then that it just wasn't the right stuff for my hair. It's very possible that I just wasn't yet ready for the switch from sudsy and luxurious sodium lauryl sulfate-laden shampoos and conditioners - it is definitely a different experience using SLS-free products when lather has been The Way of Things your whole life.

As I mentioned back in November, my hair is one of my vanity zones. It's not super magical perfect hair, it's just one thing I can make look good no matter what my weight, and that's an important thing to have as a person who sometimes struggles with feeling good about my overall appearance. Though switching to a BS/ACV (that's "baking soda / apple cider vinegar") system is in better alignment with my hippie-tree-hugger values than using any eco-friendly version of a shampoo/conditioner combo, it has been really easy to postpone. Mostly because of the dreaded 'detox period' when my hair will be adjusting to the BS/ACV and trying to balance it's oil production to accommodate. Word on the street is that once your hair totally acclimates to BS/ACV, it will look clean every day even if you wash only once per week (I'm sure this depends on the type of hair and skin/scalp you have). I currently wash my hair twice a week (sometimes 3) and that is considered a frequency that will result in a longer-lasting detox period than if I just begin washing only once per week immediately. I'm not sure which I'll choose - certainly a faster detox sounds good, but I'm pretty sure there's only so much greasy hair I can tolerate. 

The initial recipe I'm using is from the blog "Reformation Acres" ... the only thing I changed was the ratio of essential oils. Quinn uses only peppermint oil and tea tree oil, but I mixed it up a bit, as shown below:

ACV Rinse: Version 1

3/4 cup Water
1/4 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
2 Tbsp Aloe Vera Gel (I used Lily of the Desert Whole Leaf)
1 Tbsp Honey
3 drops Tea Tree Oil
3 drops Peppermint Oil
4 drops Lavender Oil
5 drops Spearmint Oil

I mixed all of the above in my trusty Pyrex then poured it into a recycled plastic bottle.

The smell of it in the bottle is ... well, it's funky. It doesn't smell specifically like vinegar. There is definitely a pungent quality, but I also get the sweet smell of the spearmint oil (which is why I added it). After sniffing it several times, I think what I identify most as "not my favorite" is actually the honey, as I am not fond of the smell of some honeys. I can also smell the crisp notes of the peppermint oil. It's not too bad, actually.

Off to the shower!

ExpHAIRiment: Phase One

Well, the time has finally come.

While the image below may look merely like a poorly-lit photo of an innocent quart of hot water in a large Pyrex, it's actually Phase One of my long-anticipated No Shampoo experiment: creation of the baking soda cleanser. As with so many things, I'm inspired by Mel, who has been shampoo-free for over 2 years and has a head full of shiny, smooth, gorgeous hair that only smells faintly of vinegar if you really stuff your nose up in it and know to be smelling for it. If all goes well, I could be pouring this on my head later today. Stay tuned ...

PS: the brownish-looking bottles in the background? Those are my soon-to-be cleanser and rinse bottles slathered in peanut butter to dissolve the sticky residue left from the labels. Thanks be to Pinterest for directing me to this post by MileHiMama.

On The Ball

I just received word from our office manager that I have a green light to swap my office chair with an exercise ball (we have some super tight aesthetic policies here). 2013 will be The Year of The Ball.

I have used an exercise/therapy ball as an office chair before – twice even – back in the early part of the century (how does one refer to this? “The early two thousands” seems like a mouthful).

A quick Google search will show you that the two most common reasons given for the switch is to “burn more calories” and “improve posture.” While there are studies proving the former, there is not yet a compelling body of evidence supporting the latter. A 2009 British study actually found no difference between sitting on a therapy ball and an office chair with regard to posture or the improvement of lower back pain. However, according to a 2008 study published by the US National Library of Medicine / National Institutes of Health, one expends an additional 4 calories per hour performing clerical work while sitting on a therapy ball than while sitting in an office chair. So 4 calories per hour x 8 hours per day = approximately 32 calories per day. At 160 calories per week it would take 5-6 months to lose 1 pound just from sitting on an exercise ball at work.

So why bother?

Here’s why I want to bother:

1. I’ll take those passively-lost two pounds per year!
2. When I previously used a ball-as-chair at work, I found that I moved my body more … bouncing, frequent position changes and constant subconscious rebalancing throughout the day, plus stretching– one of the best feelings is to hook one foot under the desk for stability and lean all the way back, curving your back around the ball. Heaven.
3. I’m getting older and my body does *not* like sitting all day long. The nature of my job is such that sometimes I will be in my chair for hours at a time – which I don’t notice until I get up to walk somewhere and feel the stiffness in my back and hips. I believe that sitting on the ball will help with circulation and keep my muscles firing so I don’t get stiff.
4. Help with bad habits. Around this time last year I suffered (and I do mean suffered) “Rotator Cuff Syndrome” which was extremely painful and became physically limiting (I couldn’t put my own bra on, for example). The doctor recommended physical therapy and after 3 sessions per week for nearly 3 months (spendy!), my shoulder improved significantly (worth the money!). However, at the time neither the doctor nor I could figure out what caused it (hence “syndrome” vs. “injury”). Once it stopped hurting, it didn’t take long to determine the behavior that caused it to hurt – primarily the shifting of my weight onto my left armrest in my office chair. It goes like this: Left armrest at armrest height. Left arm sits on left armrest, body shifts sideways so weight is resting on my left arm/shoulder while I’m using the mouse with my right hand (I use the mouse a LOT at work). Over time, the misalignment and stress caused inflammation and other bad, painful things. And even though I have now lowered my left arm rest allllll the way down, the habit is so strong that sometimes I find myself still doing it even though I have to contort myself in ridiculous ways to reach the super-low armrest. Takeaway? Not having an armrest would probably be a good thing.
5. Support of a healthier lifestyle, even if it’s just psychological trickery. Sometimes the feeling of my body planted in a chair for hours and hours at a time grosses me out. “Active sitting” just sounds better. TPA and I are launching a Healthy Eating Initiative for January and February with a goal of 12 pounds each (baby steps, y’all) and anything small and easy I can do to increase the likelihood of success is good.
6. Abs of Steel! Energy to Burn! Okay, not really … there’s lots of talk about how ball-sitting engages the core to maintain balance and the constant movement keeps energy up, but I’m pretty sure that’s just enthusiastic hype. I’ll keep you posted.

I have a ball from back in the day (currently deflated) but I might purchase a new one – in my head it seems like they might have improved in the 12 years or so since I last purchased, though that could be totally made up by the part of my brain that likes to buy new stuff. I’ve read that my thighs should slope slightly downward (vs. 90 degrees) and should be proportional to my height (5’3”):

• 55cm ball for a range of 4’11” – 5’4”
• 65 cm ball for a range of 5’5” – 5’11”
• 75 cm ball for a range of 6’ – 6’7”

I'm eyeballing this one (in black) from Isokinetics Inc.™ $64.95.

PS: Hey – I’m no medical expert. If you have back pain or hip pain or are pregnant or breathing, please discuss your own chair-for-ball swap with your favorite medical provider. Tim Ferris (who is awesome) has some interesting things to say about office chairs and back pain in this blog post. He's not a medical expert either, FYI.

Too Much Protein? ... and Hair News

I recently shared an interesting new site, YouBeauty.com. I signed up for the "Daily Aha!" and though some of them are instant-deleters, some are great reminders, like this one about Protein ...

Excess protein can do more harm than good.

Food manufacturers are packing protein into everything from cereal and granola to chai tea. But excess protein can tax your kidneys and up your risk of bone loss and osteoporosis.

Protein should take up about 10 to 35 percent of your daily calories. For women, that means about 46 grams a day—the equivalent of a container of yogurt, a three-ounce piece of meat and a cup of beans. Unless you’re pregnant, breastfeeding or an athlete, stick to traditional sources—like lean meat, fish, eggs, dairy, beans and nuts. You'll get the nutritional (slimming!) benefits of protein without the downsides.

Plus, it arrives with this adorable pic of the fantastic nerd-duo (Drs. Oz and Roizen), and what's not to love about that?

 

In other news, I have given up on my "cheap shampoo is just as good as expensive shampoo and it's *only* shampoo" quest (Yes, Mel - someday, no 'poo, I promise). My hair is one of my most valuable assets in terms of pure vanity ... I may not be at a body weight that I find attractive, I may not have clear skin most days, and I may be sprouting wrinkles and crepey eyelid skin at an alarming rate, but I do have good hair - and my self-esteem needs it to be at it's best, as sometimes it's the only thing I can smile at in the mirror. That's a big responsibility, also while doing the least harm possible to the planet and my overall chemical intake/absorption levels. Enter my new love: Living Proof.

Side Note: I did try Wen for about a month. Wen of the late-nite infomercials promising hair magic in exchange for a monthly shipment of expensive product. I've been suckered into that game before (I'm looking at you, Winsor Pilates in my 20's), but when Sephora began carrying a 'starter kit' I figured now was the time to give in to my curiousity. Result? It was good - it did nice things to my hair and was free of many chemicals I don't want to be buying and using. But it is expensive, and you have to use a lot of it, and even with only washing my hair 2-3 times per week, it just felt excessive. But in lieu of finding anything else to try, I went back to Sephora to get another sample kit to give it another shot - but as fate would have it, they were out.

A product rep who helped me look for Wen asked me if she could tell me about her product line, Living Proof. She was lovely about it so I said yes - and she totally sold me. Well, she and the InStyle article she whipped out announcing Jennifer Aniston's recent commitment as spokesperson and investor in the company. I mean, come on - Jennifer has gorgeous hair. And she was on 'Friends' and I'm 40 and that was a pivotal show in my life, and hair - especially Jennifer's hair - was a pivotal part of that show. How could I go wrong?

      

       
Long, wavy, straight, short, Rachel ... even a messy pony, Girl's got nice hair. And stylists and stuff. But still, awesome, natural-looking, just ran a brush through it-looking, dreamy hair.

I digress. I brought home the shampoo, conditioner, and a good sample amount of the nourishing styling cream of the 'no frizz' line (delightfully spelled frizz on the bottles) and I have to tell you - I am crazy impressed with this stuff. The site tells me that the primary causes of frizz are friction and humidity. And they tell me this: "When our scientists looked at the thousands of existing products on the market, they discovered something very interesting: most of them contain the exact same ingredients that have been used for over 30 years—silicone and oils. The problem is that silicones and oils do not effectively block humidity or eliminate friction weightlessly. They just weigh hair down so styles don’t last and strands feel heavy and greasy." Okay ... as a person with lots and lots of very fine hair, I can raise my hands and shout 'amen!' at that. So then they go on and on about their patented, top-secret, uber-sciency formula (silicone and oil free) that coats the hair, blah blah blah and repels humidity and "The formula is weightless, so hair is glossy and smooth without ever feeling heavy or greasy. In fact, No Frizz technology is clinically proven to be 70% more effective in blocking humidity than conventional anti-frizz products."

I'm running my fingers through my hair right now ... light, seriously soft, not frizzy. Not exactly glossy and polished and perfect, but certainly healthy and seemingly frictionless-ish. There is also some business about how their formula repels dirt so hair stays cleaner longer, which requires less hair washing and YES YES YES TO ALL OF IT. I've been using it for 2 weeks now (which means about 5 washes) and my hair looks so much better between washings it's like a pre-Christmas miracle. Air dry? Don't mind if I do! What? No ponytail starting the day after a wash and until it's washed again? Okay!

I'm a convert. And I'm going to try a few more products from the other lines (like Amp² or Full). Also? Take a sec to read the "Origin Story" here. I really liked it. And no, these folks have no idea who I am - but I'm totally sending them a link to this post because if they felt like sending me some samples to provide more reviews, I would definitely not say no - I am truly a giver like that. 

But really? Thanks for your science, Living Proof. My hair is awesome right now.

And with all that ... I'll pray that I've conquered my steroid-induced insomnia so I can sleep a few hours before returning to work for the first time since last Wednesday. I'm grateful to have had steroids as an option to reduce the outrageous tonsil-swelling so I could eat solid food (today is day 5 of strep-throat-induced misery. I am not exaggerating about the misery), but I have been awake all day and right now at 4am, my brain feels as bright-eye'd and bushy-tailed as it usually does at ... well, almost never, actually. I'm *awake* in a pretty serious way. I heeded the pharmacist's warning to not take after 10am, but I'm extra sensitive, I guess. The muscle relaxer I took Sunday night actually caused near-hallucinations, also resulting in very little sleep. I don't often take drugs - this could be why. 4:07am. Tick tock.

You're awake too? Here's another of my favorite articles of Mel's, "Top Ten Toxin Sources to Eliminate From Your Life" ... it's good stuff. Also a sort of mea culpa as Living Proof isn't exactly as chemical-free as it maybe should be to fulfill the second part of "works great and doesn't kill me/the planet" ... Ummm ... better living through science? Gulp. Look! Mel's home-grown organic berries! 

Body Confidence

Well, things come to you when you need them, I guess.

While Pinteresting away today (like every day), looking for fascinating new folks to follow, I stumbled across this board: "Body Confidence" http://pinterest.com/kristadl/body-confidence/

My eyes first jumped to images like these (below) and my immediate reaction (inside my head) was disparaging / scoffing / negative. Because come on. No one wants to see fat chicks in bathing suits. Fat acceptance. Whatever. Fat is unhealthy. Fat acceptance is unhealthy. On and on I went, aware of the dissonance between my anti-fat thoughts and the intended purpose of the Body Confidence board.

 

In addition to the (apparently personally controversial) images of girth, there were other interesting images that kept me scrolling ... like this one (because I'm starting to embrace my new 40-year-old self, and who doesn't love Susan Sarandon?!):

 

... and these (because I am 100% for more realistically proportioned mannequins and media images):

  

And somewhere in between my exclamations of "that is a gorgeous woman" I realized (not that I didn't already know) that dammit. If I am to generate the motivation and commitment necessary to get healthy, I need to start changing my attitude toward my body. I dislike my body immensely. I don't like how it looks in clothes, I don't like how it looks naked. I accept (mostly) that others find and have found my body attractive ("attractive enough" says my internal critic), but me? Nope. I'm too short and round and pale and droopy and FAT.

  

Even looking at those images above, my reality is that those women are gorgeous, their bodies are beautiful, but they are not as big as me. I'd be "voluptuous and proud" too if I were a size 8 instead of a size 16. (Can you hear my grumpy tone? There's a whole lotta cranky business going on inside my head right now) And what if these women were as big as me? What about some of these women:

Yep - you guessed it. The woman seated on the ground and the woman second from the left? They look beautiful to me. I can appreciate their curves. But the other women that are bigger and roll-ier? I don't see it. They are beautiful - their faces, their hair. But their bodies are not (to me). And this is where I have work to do. I know that this block, this extreme judgement of larger bodies, is something that can and will and likely already has sabotaged my own efforts. Something about first, love thyself?

My beloved Google brings up dozens of articles in response to the search "love yourself first in order to lose weight" including this one from Psychology Today, "How to Lose Weight With Love" (2010).

I don't love every bit of it (like this part, which I find pretty annoying, actually: "Frankly, I’ve never  had a problem staying a normal weight. I can’t imagine how hard it must  be for those who struggle. If you’re one of those people who has been  fighting your weight your whole life, my heart goes out to you. I know  it’s not easy. But I believe it doesn’t have to be so hard." Whatever, Lissa-of-the-Normal-Weight). But keep reading ... Because she also says stuff like this: "I believe that you will never achieve and maintain a healthy weight  until you learn to love yourself, fat and all. If your weight loss is fueled by negative mind chatter and self-hatred, weight loss becomes punishment." Amen, sister.

She also lists 10 Tips For Reclaiming a Healthy Body With Love. I encourage you follow the link to read the details and follow the links (including the green juice detox cleanse - you know how much I love the liquified greens). As much as I tend to resist the woo-woo (and this is pretty woo-woo), I know that this is a great list. I also know (and you know, too) that if I (and you) were to incorporate even one of these every single day, the impact on my mental health would be profound ... which would positively impact my physical health, as well.

1. Practice radical self-love.
2. Make friends with the person in the mirror.
3. Do a Body Blessing every day.
4. Honor the perfect spirit within you with beautiful foods.
5. Make food an offering to your divine self.
6. Add green juice to your diet.
7. Only eat when you’re hungry.
8. Be mindful about what you put in your mouth.
9. Avoid emotional eating.
10. Move your beautiful body.

Great tips, eh? Mostly doable. And yet ... even knowing how helpful some/all of these tips would be if incorporated into my daily life - knowing it completely and fully - I also know I'm not going to jump right on it. What the fuck?! THIS is where the work needs to happen. THIS is the block that needs to be removed. I have to LOVE MYSELF as much as I love everyone else in my life. Because if TDM or CRS or TPA wanted my help sticking to some things on this list, I would absolutely prioritize my encouragement of their efforts. But not for myself. Ug. Why is it so hard? <<insert therapy>>

What's Your Body Type?

Following a link from Pinterest, I discovered YouBeauty a website created by Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Michael Roizen as "the first website to explore the link between beauty and health in a fun, factual way." So far there seems to be a bit of fluff (articles like "Best Boots for Your Body Shape"), but also some good content presented in engaging ways (lots and lots of quizzes). I think they're headed in a great direction, with a scientific advisory board and clearly laid-out intentions on their FAQ page. Regular visitation to this site will likely do a lot to educate and remind us of the science behind the healthy habits that make us feel good and look good (which we do when we are pursuing optimal health).

I took a few quizzes, including one to find out my body type. It tells me that I have a circle shape (true story) and a body type of Endomorph (as do most women, so sayeth the site). My circle-endomorph combo means I've got "an all-over round, feminine physique, particularly in your midsection where you carry your weight." Yep.

Food tips for me are to "aim for foods that will provide long-lasting energy" and to start my day with "a low-fat yogurt and fruit smoothie." I'm also told that complex carbs are great for my body ... "Try oatmeal or whole wheat toast with nut butter or scrambled egg whites for a healthy, hearty kick-off to your day." The yogurt is doable, and something I was pretty religious about back in the days of no-refined-sugar/successful-weight-loss, so maybe they're onto something there. I'm working on eating something for breakfast more regularly, but time is still not on my side in the morning - and bound to get tighter with my potential upcoming move.

Another reminder I found interesting: "Most women aim to increase muscle tone, but shy away from leggy workouts and focus on their abs instead. Think of it this way: Muscle is a fat-burning powerhouse, so the key to all-over tone is building strong legs, glutes and lats — the biggest muscles in your body."

I also took a Fat Talk Quiz ("Fat talking can lower self-esteem, increase body dissatisfaction, and leave you feeling down in the dumps") and a Sleep Quiz (my score of 7 = my sleep "could improve").

Here's what's cool: at the end of each quiz, there is a link to "Action Steps" which are a summary of small things you can do to improve your score in that particular area. These are tips you've likely read before in various magazine articles over the years, captured in a handy, printable list. Well done, YouBeauty.

 

*The quizzes are for informational purposes only and not intended to function as a diagnostic tool.

 

 

Craving

A year and a half ago, I sent myself an email from my phone while waiting for the bus home from work. I came across it this morning and it still feels so important to me, this documentation of a common moment in the life of someone with significant sugar issues ...

April 28, 2011. This is what a craving is like.

On my way to the elevator I grab one red vine from a tub on my co-workers desk. Just one. It's been so long ... I think immediately about getting a tub. I can take it as a shareable snack to meetings! I can have it on my desk to offer passers-by! I can eat so many myself without anyone noticing.

Transported down in the elevator, gnawing on the dry vine, mouth watering.

Walking to bus, stoplights work in my favor to avoid Specialty's.

Office Depot is across from the bus stop. I wonder if they have red vines. I can't miss my bus. Double check the schedule - no time to cross the street.

I could stop on my way home, once I'm in my car! Memories of driving to gas stations for Zingers. Recognition of obsessive thinking. Writing instead.

The taste of the Red Vine has been replaced by the sugar yuck taste in my mouth. The craving is mostly gone. Now I'm just aware of being hungry, without a healthy snack option - this, the most basic of resistance techniques to employ: Preparation.

Written between 6:43pm and 6:52pm. 9 minutes consumed by thoughts of sugar.

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Launch: Eat To Live

Several weeks ago, TDM asked me if I wanted to work out with a personal trainer a few times a week and share the cost. I agreed because I (begrudgingly) know it would be very good for me and because I thought it would be months and months away after all her reconstruction stuff was completed. Apparently she's all cleared to begin whenever she wants as long as she doesn't over-do it so I was completely duped - but that's a story for another day.

Not long after that, TDM asked me if I wanted to participate in a health workshop being sponsored by her company, "6 Weeks to a Healthier You." It seemed a tiny bit cheesy for my taste (and hers) but I agreed - in part because I know she's been feeling motivated to lose some weight and I want to support her, and in part because when am I ever NOT feeling like I need to lose some weight? No matter how basic or cheesy or dull the presentations, I figured it certainly wouldn't hurt to immerse myself in positive encouragement and educational information every Tuesday night.

Naturally, I began to think that this 6-week commitment was also a good time to kickstart a renewed effort to eat better. I started researching "vegan gastric bypass" looking for information for J ... she has also been talking about losing weight and since we do eat about 30% of our meals together, I wanted a final answer on the whole "meat as the only effective source of protein for gastric bypass patients" - she believes it is, I can't believe that it is. It's an important bit of info because eating with J means eating a lot more meat than I ever have (and more than I want to). I know that reducing the amount of meat in my diet would benefit my weight loss efforts but it's been a challenge when my roommate (who does nearly all of the dinner cooking) is convinced she (and therefore everyone) needs a meat protein with every meal. (PS: there are post-GB vegetarians out there who are healthy and happy, FYI).

Anyway, in the course of my search, I came across many glowing references to Dr. Joseph Fuhrman's Eat to Live book(s) and that set me off on a new trail. I liked what I read and bought the book the next day. I decided to follow the program for the 6 weeks of the workshop. I updated TDM on my intentions and she and her girlfriend are also enthusiastically on board.

So here we are on day 3 and all of us are surviving with a lot of curiosity, bravery, and humor. It's a bit of a shock to go from a typical American diet (maybe only 'mostly typical' as none of us are heavy soda or fast-food ingesters) to a vegan diet. Yes, I really did say vegan - plus no salt, caffeine, or oil and limited whole grains and starchy veggies. We're dutifully making the recipes and shoveling raw produce into our mouths in quantities not seen before. The focus of Dr. Fuhrman's lifestyle plan is nutrient-rich eating ... ingesting the needed amounts of vitamins, minerals, fiber, etc. from the foods we eat and avoiding hazardous foods (sugar, processed anything, oils, sodium). I'm only through the 3rd chapter of the book, but so far it has explained in great detail many things I kinda sorta knew but didn't really know. Sodium isn't great. Olive oil isn't a health food. How the body processes the food we eat - in very specific detail. It's actually very interesting.

There's a promise of fairly rapid weight loss which is appealing to both TDM and me ... because the only weight being lost at my house is (finally) by my dog (down 2 pounds and showing early signs of a recovering waistline!)**

 

By day 3, one recipe has stood out so far ... the 'Eat Your Greens' smoothie. TDM makes retching noises due to the spinach content, but has promised to try it after my glowing (forceful) recommendation. Yes, there's 5oz of raw spinach involved, which is the equivalent of an entire blender. It's a lot of spinach. However, I can tell you honestly that you don't taste it. There is a light grassy essence (not taste); but mostly the berries and banana come through. The recipe as published makes enough for 2 servings ... I've added my notes (like this).

Eat Your Greens Smoothie

 - 5 oz baby spinach (fresh spinach, not frozen)
 - 1 banana
 - 1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries (frozen will give the smoothie more body than fresh)
 - 1/2 cup unsweetened soy, hemp, or almond milk (I used soy)
 - 1/2 cup pomegranate juice or other unsweetened fruit juice (I used POM)
 - 1 tablespoon ground flaxseeds (definitely use ground, not whole)

Blend all ingredients in a high powered blender until smooth and creamy (I added the soy milk and pomegranate juice with the spinach and blended that first before adding the blueberries and banana. Flaxseeds went in last). 

 

The smoothie ends up a beautiful purple shade ... but the blender reveals its very green (and very healthy) origins. I felt great after drinking this smoothie - I literally noticed that I felt good, which is kind of cool. Make it yourself this week - let me know in the comments how you like it.

  


** A post-script on diet dog food:

I've tried multiple high-quality diet dog foods in the past few years with no results. I switched my favorite hefty boy to Wellness brand Core Reduced-Fat Recipe in February and he's finally shedding the lbs. Of course, it could also be from the hallway sprints he's added to his daily schedule - guess what happens twice a day behind that door? :)

 

 

I Think I've Lost My Damn Mind

Okay - for real now. What on earth possessed me to think I could start jogging?! Thursday's schedule was walk 5 minutes, jog 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes. I had my Downton Abbey all set and had no doubt in my mind that I could do it - positive attitude fully in place.

Oh. My. God.

5 minute walk? No problem. Then the jog. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 minutes, no problem. 6-ish minutes, no problem. Heading into 6:20 I started thinking "there is no way I can do this for another minute and a half" - and by 7 minutes I was starting to fall apart. The ONLY thing that kept me going was the frantic thought: "I don't want to start all over. I don't want to start all over. I don't want to start all over" ... the logic being that if I failed at the 8-minute jog, I'd have to redo the 8-minute jog until I could complete it. I made it but it was painful in a way that made me wonder if it was possible to actually give myself a heart attack from jogging for 8 minutes.

I realized that because I have spent my entire life avoiding exercise, I don't really know what my body is and is not capable of. I don't have any idea what a 'safe' threshold would be - or when I might be crossing it. There was a distinct difference between how all the previous jogs felt and how I felt at the end of that 8 minutes ... I felt awful. In comparison I can say that adding each minute has been tough in a physical but also psychological way; I am simply not used to pushing myself physically. 5 minutes, 6 minutes, and 7 minutes were hard - I definitely had to force myself to keep going despite my legs feeling tired, my breathing being super heavy, and a persistent feeling of "I want to stop right now." The difficulty with 8 minutes was pushing beyond all of that AND dealing with the very strong feeling that I couldn't physically keep going. My breathing was totally fucked up during that last minute, like I was not taking in enough oxygen. And my body was physically tired - the final 30 seconds I was holding on the the sides of the treadmill for support. After my final 5 minute walk and a few more minutes at an even slower pace, I started really doubting if this whole Couch to 5k program was possible for a person of my size. It's not like obese people can just take up running - or can they? All the C25k sites are all about "we can get you from couch potato to completing a 5k no matter what!" but what if they mean it's only possible for normal people? "Normal" being people who aren't obese.

I tried to find information on how fast I'm supposed to be running, hoping that my 3.7 mph speed is too fast. Nope - all the bulletin boards and comment threads I read indicated that people - beginner people, "normal" beginner people - are walking at about 3 mph and running at 4 to 5 mph. Damn. My plunge into doubt continued.

I did find one site (I can't remember which one) that had this to say: "I am often asked how fast you should run and walk on the treadmill. The answer is that you should run as slowly as possible. In fact, if you can run more slowly, you are probably running too fast. Speed will come over time (after you have finished the program). With the walking, just walk at a nice brisk pace."

Hmmm. I think I am walking at a good pace, but I probably could run more slowly - like at 3.5 mph. But should I? Despite what that person said, I am having trouble overriding the notion in my head that going slower would be a step backward and I'm not a fan of going backward - especially not with an exercise program.

Then I googled "obese Couch to 5k" and the first result took me to a great post that also supported slowing down a bit and giving myself a break. The real issue I have is this: because I've never really exercised, in addition to not knowing how much is too much, I also don't know when to give myself a break because I need a break vs. just *thinking* I need a break because it's hard and I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? Am I doing too much too fast or am I trying to wimp out and convince myself that I can't do it when I really could if I would just try? It's tough to navigate. So Sadhbh's (irish girl, pronounced "Sive" like "five") post was helpful. She describes herself this way: "while I can wriggle into a size 14, I tip the scales at 85kg. And at 5”5, that puts me well into the obese territory of BMI. I’m a big build, huge shoulders, lots of muscle, small bum and strong legs. But there’s lots of fat there too. And a beer belly. Don’t forget that belly. I can witter all I want about big build, but I am also simply overweight and out of shape." Sound familiar? She's 5'5" and 187 pounds so I definitely outweigh her - both in actual pounds and proportion - but I can relate to her and found the following extremely helpful:

"It’s fine to repeat, repeat, repeat. The program tells you that it’s fine to repeat weeks, but in the initial flushes of enthusiasm, you imagine yourself cruising straight through it and on to 10k runs in Olympic time in under 4 months. This will not happen. Sooner or later you will have a bad week, whether you get ill, or work gets crazed or you’re just finding it too tough. There is nothing wrong with repeating a week, the object is build your muscles and stamina. It is fine to stagger along at your own pace. You’re building, not breaking, take your time."

Even more helpful? This bit:

"Judge yourself more fairly. This is not a “winning is taking part, and it’s okay to fail” speech. That’s bollocks. Having perpetually low expectations of yourself and then failing to meet them gets you no awards and won’t help get you fitter. You can do the Couch to 5k, if you take it at your own rate."

Take it at my own rate. Got it. I'm not a failure if I don't do the program exactly as written from start to finish. The goal is to get through it, not push myself so hard that I add minutes before I'm ready and then equate not being physically ready for more minutes with not being physically capable of doing the program at all.

So I took a big step and decided to repeat this whole week. Instead of doing 9 minutes on Saturday, I did 6 (and did it on Sunday because Saturday was derailed by other, unexpected stuff) and will do 7 on Tuesday. Then I'll try 8 minutes again on Thursday and see how it goes.

And of course my inner Excel geek had to create a whole new chart to keep track of this new schedule. (Want an excel doc of your very own? Email me.)

 

1.2 Miles

Alright, it's been done. Tonight I walked/jogged over a mile - 1.2 miles to be exact, just under 40% of 5k.

It was to be a 4 minute jog, 5 minute walk, 4 minute jog, 5 minute walk. Unfortunately I've been sick since Tuesday so it went like this: 4 minute jog, 1.5 minute walk, 2.5 minute (stationary) coughing fit and recovery, 3.5 minute walk, 4 minute jog, 5 minute walk, 7 minute cool down walk until the end of the Downton Abbey episode.

A note about 'entertainment' during exercise ... many people enjoy dance tunes to kick their energy into high gear. I have found that music keeps me too inside my head - and therefore too focused on the fact that I'm exercising. I prefer visual entertainment instead. And, I recently discovered, it needs to be entertaining entertainment - no educational stuff allowed. I made the mistake last week of trying to watch a TED talk during my walk/jog and I'm pretty sure time was actually moving BACKWARDS. Never again. I've just finished season 1 of Downton Abbey and I'm hooked (oh, sweet Anna. I feel your pain, my dear). I'm using my lust for the Abbey as further motivation to keep on the C25k schedule by only allowing myself to watch when I work out. One session is about half an episode ... I have to carefully dole them out so I don't run out of season 2 episodes before I can get season 3 on my iPad. It's a precarious situation.

So the mile has been reached and exceeded ... 7 minutes looms for Saturday. Stay tuned.